When I was younger, a NBSB (no boyfriend since birth) I thought of becoming an old maid. I despised flirtatious men who woo plenty of females every now and then just for fun and pleasure. I abhorred women who easily get laid from one guy to another. I was very reserved and I was waiting for someone worthy of lifetime commitment, as conservative as I was but I often ended up disappointed and infuriated.
For the first time, on August 9, 2014 I took the risk of committing in a relationship.
We’ve learned a lot from each other’s differences and we’re still continuously learning from our every single moment together. If you are looking for a perfect relationship, you’ll never find it. If you long for good and healthy relationship, it doesn’t have to be impeccable but has to be Godly. There are three most important things I’ve learned that I also want you to realize.
- Love God first before loving each other.
Others may find it absurd because couples want to love and be loved solely, exclusively, selfishly by their partner. I knew I loved God but my love for my significant other was entirely different kind. I didn’t know how this could occur before. I thought, for example, my love for God was white and my love for my boyfriend was red and they were both on the same level. But here are the crucial questions on how you will know that you love your boyfriend or your girlfriend more than you love God.
- Who do you think about more most of the time? God or boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Whom do you speak to more every minute of the day? God or boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Who do you please more? God or boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Whose presence do you find more delightful? To love God is to find delight in His presence.
Why is it more essential to love God first before loving each other? Humans get tremendously hurt and depressed by receiving love from someone who gives less than they expected. They cry for hours, get drunk and do everything to forget their bitterness and misery. But when we love God first, we’ll never feel unloved and unwanted. Nobody can love us more than God can. His love never fails and never ends.
“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” -Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-38 (NIV)
The Bible is God’s love letters to us, His children and it is a written proof of His love. When we love God first that doesn’t make us love our boyfriend/girlfriend any less. The truth is, we love them more because God commands us to love more. Take note, not selfishly, not love-me-only-me love, but selflessly and unconditionally.
“We love because He first loved us.” -1 John 4:19 (NIV)
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” -1 John 4:8 (NIV)
2. Love is God.
There are too many definitions of love but one thing I am certain of, God created us to love. I had a hard time defining what really love was. I didn’t believe in love before. I thought it was just a feeling caused by love hormone called Serotonin that dies every two years. An attraction to curvy ladies and big boobies. That’s why I felt miserable contemplating that my boyfriend’s love for me was so small compared to what he had for the attractive females that he admired. I’ve learned that love is not merely an emotion. Love is not utterly a feeling. It is more noble than that.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” -1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
3. Worship God together, not each other.
Everyone likes to be appreciated and recognized but to be worshiped is a different thing. I don’t prefer my boyfriend to worship me because I am not perfect and I’m aware of my flaws. I rather love someone who worships God with me. If your girlfriend wants to be worshiped by you, think again. If she is always seeking narcissistic compliments, think again. Does she love herself more than she loves you and God? People say that love yourself first before loving someone. But God says love God first so we can love each other better.